Sometime after the last election, I got called a Nazi by a guy I used to respect. Because he disagreed with my stance on a certain issue, he resorted to public name-calling. Eventually, I had to block him on social because I’d had enough. Frankly, I loathe people who strategize out of the name-calling playbook, people who love to resort to epithets like bigot, tyrant, and fascist.
I am, of course, well aware of the fact that this is where outrage culture lives now. Many days it feels like everyone must voice every opinion. Everyone must take a side on every issue. Some days it feels like there’s no nuance left. Ad hom attacks masquerade as moral stands and virtue signaling is the go-to. It really really sucks!
To be sure, I fired back a little bit to defend myself. But I didn’t strike with equal haste or venom. I could have played the outrage game and positioned myself as the righteous victim. But that’s not me. I’ve actually discovered something way more powerful than that, a mindhack that’s gotten me through a lot, a mindhack that fuels my comedy philosophy: If you can laugh in the face of whatever it is you’re up against, you’re bulletproof.
When someone is vile toward me and I can laugh in their face, they don’t have power over me. Instead, I have control over myself and the situation. And, in pretty much every facet of life, I need to constantly remind myself of this. Same with cancer, loss, heartache, parenting, teaching, or any other challenge life throws at you. When you can laugh in the face of what you’re up against, you’re bulletproof.
Similarly, if two people can share a laugh, they’ve found common ground. And that can be a starting point for actual conversation, actually finding common ground. Some psychological research (HERE) seems to back up the fact that sharing a laugh can forge social bonds and lead to a eudaimonic state, that is, a shared state of well-being, characterized by a shared sense of meaning and purpose.
In line with that, sharing laughs about a given topic can stimy the ridiculous outrage-only approaches to matters. While outrage culture creates what is often called “pluralistic ignorance,” that is, ignorance where people falsely believe others share their anger, it is humor that actually builds genuine connection.
So, with that in mind, here’s my rule I’ve set for myself: I only joke with or roast the ones I love. Jeff Ross, in fact, wrote a whole book with that title, which has given me the language to articulate myself that way. Growing up, certain of my friends and family would echo this in the saying, “If I didn’t joke with you/tease you, you’d know I didn’t like you.” So, only joking with/roasting the ones I love has become part of my comedy compass.
Most of my jokes, however, are self-deprecating. I won’t just go after others without going after myself first. My comedy motto, which I’ve mentioned many times on this site, is: “If It’s Messed-Up, It’s Material.” As such, one of my podcasts is named “Messed-Up To Set-Ups.” A variation of that, which I have on my merch/stickers is: “Messed-Up But Blessed-Up.” My point is: I’m saying, up front and first, that I’m messed-up. I go in on myself first.
Outrage culture says, “Hi, I’m Michael and I’m morally superior.” Self-deprecating humor, however, says, “Hi, I’m Michael and I’m messed-up.” The former of those approaches builds walls, while the other builds bridges. And lest you think that’s crazy, well, at least one study shows that self-deprecating humor actually increases perceived warmth and trust when delivered from a position of confidence. That’s pretty cool! And that’s the opposite of purposefully making yourself the victim and expecting sympathy or personal gain from it.
Honestly, I don’t think I’m alone in being tired of outrage culture. I think many are tired of it. They’re tired of the constant anger they see on Facebook or X or wherever. They’re tired of the performative righteousness and the endless cycles of manufactured fury that lead nowhere except more division. Enter: laughter, jokes, and comedy.
The fact is, humor offers something outrage never can: genuine disarmament. When you lead with laughter, especially at yourself, you remove the person’s ammunition. Just think of Eminem’s famed battle in 8-mile where he steps up, rips on himself, and shuts down his opponent leaving him with nothing to say. Self-awareness and self-deprecation (with a good bit of humor) brought home the win. And it totally wasn’t weakness; it was strategic; it was brilliant. Everyone who’s ever seen the movie remembers that scene!
Outrage demands you and I take sides immediately. Humor, however, creates space for nuance, for actual thinking, for the possibility that complex issues might require more than angry tweets and moral grandstanding. I’ve seen humor work where outrage completely failed. And, no, I’m not talking about the mean-spirited kind of humor that just makes you look like a jerk, but the kind that finds common ground in our shared mess-ups, messes, and messiness.
In my view, the future belongs to people who can laugh in the face of controversy while still taking important things seriously. The future belongs to those who can admit they’re messed-up without expecting sympathy points. The future belongs to those who choose to be bulletproof over bitter. I think outrage culture has had its moment, or at least I hope so. But laughter? Laughter is forever. So, if you’re ever called a Nazi, bigot, tyrant, or fascist when you’re not, laugh in the face of such stupidity and move on knowing you’re bulletproof.
I need to practice your approach! Very good! Thanks
I like this. It's not just the anger; it's pure hate, not because someone did something evil to you or your family, but because of how someone looks.