Denzel Washington Baptized, Repents

(Fake News Weekly - MichaelHalcomb.Live)

HOLLYWOOD—In what some are calling the most inspiring twist since Training Day, actor Denzel Washington was baptized this week. Before being dunked, Washington issued a heartfelt apology for his past sins, most notably his performance in The Book of Eli. “It’s been weighing on me for years,” Washington confessed to reporters as he emerged from the waters of repentance. “The script, the plot holes, the sunglasses—what was I thinking?!” But the actor’s confession didn’t stop there. Washington also expressed regret for his role in Virtuosity, a 1995 cyber-thriller where he battled a virtual serial killer played by Russell Crowe. “Honestly, I’m surprised they let me keep making movies after that one,” he admitted. In recent interviews, Washington has hinted that his baptism has inspired a new phase in his career. “I’m looking for redemption projects now,” he said. “Maybe a sequel to Remember the Titans, since no one seems to remember them. Or maybe I’ll just rewatch Glory and remind myself I’ve already peaked.”