Ever Dealt With Snobbery Or Envy?
Be Honest With Yourself (Comedy Minhdack #99)
When it comes to judging comedians, it’s comedians who are the harshest on each other. Every comedian has other comedians they love but also those for whom they have little or even no respect. And when it comes to the latter, those individuals for whom a certain comedian may have no respect, there are any number of reasons that may be the case. Maybe their material feels weak or obvious. Or maybe they play things a little too safe. Maybe their style is off-putting. Maybe they moved through the scene faster than anyone else. Again, there could be millions of reasons. But what about when one comedian despises another comedian even when or because they’re filling rooms and growing on socials?
In such instances, it can feel good and be easy to dismiss them. I’ve done it more than once. I’ll chalk it up to taste or standards and move on. But if I’m being honest, that move usually helps me avoid a harder question as it keeps me from asking why it’s working for them and not for me. And it really sucks asking that question. But in full honesty, the reality of the matter is simple: They’re connecting with an audience I’m not reaching yet. They have figured out how to keep people with them once they have them. I might not like how they do it, but the audience clearly does.
What I’ve had to learn in light of this is to get and stay curious instead of being dismissive. Because being dismissive isn’t about what I would do differently; instead, it usually comes from ego. So, the better question I should ask is: What are they doing that works? I have to ask where I’m losing the room or what I’m missing in my own setup or delivery. Again, those types of questions totally aren’t comfortable, but they’re definitely useful.
This kind of snobbery, in my view, has usually been a form of self-protection. It gives me an easy out. I can tell myself I’m above something instead of admitting I haven’t figured it out yet. It also lets me stay where I am without feeling like I’m falling behind. But the longer I sit there, the more obvious it becomes that I’m not protecting anything; I’m just staying stuck.
Cards on the table: I’ve watched comedians I didn’t respect absolutely crush rooms I couldn’t connect as well with. My first instinct wasn’t to be curious about how they did it but to judge them. But what I was reacting to wasn’t their material; it was the fact that they had a connection with the audience that I didn’t have (yet).
So, here’s the mental shift, the mindhack: I don’t have to like what others are doing, but I do have to respect that they’ve figured something out. That’s why the moment I stop dismissing them and what they’re doing and start paying attention, things’ll start to change. I’ll begin to see where my own material falls short and notice gaps that were there the whole time. This, of course, isn’t about copying someone else’s style or lowering the bar. It’s about understanding why something works, even if it’s not what I’d choose to do. That kind of awareness sharpens everything and forces me to be more precise about what I’m saying and how I’m saying it.
At some point, I realized that the best comedians I know don’t spend much time being snobs. They pay attention to what works, even when it’s not their thing. They take what’s useful and leave the rest. Then they keep moving. Now, when that instinct to dismiss shows up, I try to pause and ask whether I’m actually critiquing their work or just protecting my own ego. That question doesn’t always feel great, but it’s usually the right one. Why? Because comfort often doesn’t help me improve but curiosity almost always does.
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