Gratitude & Stand-Up Comedy

A Few Thoughts on Trends & Truths (Things That Matter #32)

For some time now, gratitude journals have been trending. It’s kind of an odd trend. The idea is something like this: Write down three things you’re thankful for every morning and watch your life transform. But here’s a dirty little secret I wanna let you in on: The gratitude industry doesn’t want you to know about “spiritual bypass.” Ever heard of it? It’s the term psychologists have for when people use positive thinking to avoid actually dealing with their problems.

Instead of grieving, for instance, just journal. You’ll get all better. Instead of confronting what’s broken, just list off what’s working and focus on that. Of course, it feels productive and it feels healthy. But the reality is, when people do this sorta thing, they’re just building a prettier fence around the things they refuse to look at. And I think that’s dangerous.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve watched my fair share of people try to gratitude their way around real pain. Just keep listing blessings until the hard feelings go underground. Then they come out sideways six months down the road in some tragic way. This trend doesn’t help people process grief; it helps them avoid it. Okay, so, what does this have to do with comedy?

Well, comedy doesn’t really let you bypass anything. If you’re an honest comedian, you have to stare directly at the thing that hurts. You have to think about it, dissect it, deal with it, and even find the angle that makes it absurd or more absurd. And this is precisely why it’s difficult to write a joke about something you haven’t fully faced (which is also why it’s hard to steal others’ personal jokes). The joke writing process demands honesty in a way that gratitude lists never do.

Don’t get me wrong, gratitude has its place. I’m not saying burn your journals. Even Scripture says to be thankful and show gratitude and I quite like Brandon Lake’s song titled “Gratitude.” But my point is, using gratitude as a strategy for avoiding hard emotions is just a trap dressed up in the garb of self-improvement. The wellness industry knows this. And they sell “bypass” like it’s medicine. Feel bad? Be thankful. Still feel bad? You’re not thankful enough. But we have to see their play here: The problem is always your attitude, never the thing causing the pain.

But this is just one of the reasons I’m so thankful for comedy. I’m writing about this partially because I’m annoyed with it all, but also because I’ve come to a realization that I want to share, namely, that laughter does something gratitude can’t. Laughter acknowledges that life is genuinely difficult and sometimes the only sane response is to find it ridiculous. A joke says, “Yes, this is terrible and also… here’s why it’s absurd.”

I’m not against being thankful, not at all. But I am against using thankfulness / gratitude as a hiding place. That said, if your gratitude practices help you face reality more clearly, by all means, keep going. But if they help you avoid reality more comfortably, maybe it’s time to try a different tool. And I say this as a comedian who is a Christian: Sometimes the healthiest response to suffering isn’t counting your blessings, it’s finding the joke that tells the truth that this silly trend never could.