How To Communicate Effectively

Relevance Theory & Stand-Up Comedy (Comedy Mindhacks #15)

Ever been in the midst of a back-and-forth texting thread when, suddenly, the person on the other side effectively shuts down the conversation with “k”? Nothing follows. No more dots. No more messages. That’s it. To you, there was no way that was the end of the convo. You wanted more info. You need more clarification. But you were left in the dark and, if you try to call, it’s going to make you look psycho. So, you have to wait.

It’s a great example of how communication often fails us. It’s also a great example of how, when people use the absolute minimum in their messaging, they can actually miss the mark by a mile. Being concise in communication, especially writing, is often a great thing. In stand-up, that’s usually the case. On the flip side, however, I’ve had jokes that landed like a lead balloon because I forgot a tiny piece of context, a tiny detail, or a single word. Ineffective communication strikes everywhere, from sermons to classrooms to living rooms to boardrooms to comedy clubs.

Enter: Relevance Theory. RT was cooked up by Dan Sperber and Deirdre Wilson in the 80s to explain why humans aim for maximum impact with minimum effort. At the heart of RT is the idea that any piece of information is worth processing only if it offers enough contextual payoff to justify the mental work. In other words, our brains are like a lazy bouncer who only lets the most relevant ideas into the VIP section. (Not that most of us have a VIP section.)

For comedians, to know about RT is to know a mindhack. It’s a hack that teaches us to hand the audience just enough clues to do half the work for us and half the work for themselves. If, for instance, I’m on stage and I mention a failed marriage and then pause, the room already knows I’m about to go dark and funny for a punchline. I don’t have to explain the entire divorce process because their brains fill in the blanks. In comedy circles, this is often described as “cutting the fat” or “tightening the joke.” It’s getting rid of all the crap that gets in the way of the audience filling in the right blanks.

In relationships the same principle applies. If your spouse asks how your day was and you launch into a blow-by-blow of an office printer jam, you’re probably gonna get glazed eyes instead of genuine interest. Share only the info that’s relevant to the point. The real power of this theory is realizing that every word you choose is a bet on what your audience already knows and cares about. That’s kinda the hard part - figuring out what shared knowledge base I have with any given audience.

To tell a joke is to invite people to connect dots. The more relevant the dots, the faster they’ll get the picture and the bigger the payoff. It’s all about asking yourself which details are worth sharing and which just add noise. For effective communication, you’ve got to trim the irrelevant fat, lean into the context your audience already carries, and then land your message with laser-like precision. RT is a great mindhack for comedians, partners, coworkers, and anyone who wants to be heard instead of ignored.