If You Can't Laugh at It, You're a Slave to It
Why Laughter Is Great Than Outrage (Comedy Minhdacks #104)
During my show a couple weekends ago, a woman in the front row flipped me off. She was right there, a few feet away from me, with her friends, a group of thru-hikers fresh off the Appalachian Trail. They took a break from the wilderness to have some fun at a comedy show. I roasted the entire group and different people within it. Then, at one point, I told her she looked nice, but it was right after admitting to everyone that my vice was lying. (See a part of the interaction with her crew HERE.) Her middle finger shot up! I think the room held its breath for a split second then we both laughed. Then the whole theater laughed with us. A few seconds later, we fist-bumped and lived happily ever after.
That’s a true story and, honestly, I think that moment captures something we’ve lost in our culture, namely, the choice to laugh. There’s a fundamental premise of roasting, which we were reminded of during the recent Kevin Hart roast: We only roast the ones we love. When we roast each other, we acknowledge each other’s flaws and we laugh about them together. We throw a zinger, but there’s love behind it. Flaws are part of life; we all have them. So, isn’t it better to laugh at them rather than be angry?!
I grew up in a time before social media turned every conversation into a performance. We teased each other. We made fun of each other. Maybe it wasn’t always right, but there wasn’t a culture of outrage waiting to pounce. Today? Mention anyone’s flaw and they’ll call you public enemy number one. Others may even get more offended for the person than the person themselves. It’s nuts!
Near the end of my high-school years the internet arrived with its chatrooms and social platforms. Then, quite quick on the heels of that, the media started signaling to everyone what they should be mad about. Now it seems like people are constantly enraged. It’s exhausting and it’s also really divisive.
Now, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not at all saying we should bully. When people roast without love, that’s essentially what it becomes. Obviously, I’m not for that. I despise how the internet has largely become a place for people to destroy someone else over anything they feel like. I can’t stand that! Now, here’s something crazy to consider in all this: Did you know that the human body can’t tell the difference between reading an inflammatory social media post and facing a real threat? It’s true! And cultural stress has become so constant that most people don’t even identify it as abnormal anymore. This is why I’m so adamant about my comedy motto/slogan: “Laughter > Outrage.”
Sadly, a lot of people choose outrage over laughter. Many do it because they get to virtue signal. They think it scores them social points and, in some circles, it likely does. But here’s what they’re not getting: Relief, agency, or permission to admit their messed-up parts in this messed-up world.
It’s crazy that outrage has become a form of social currency. But we know that when people get outraged at the same time as somebody else, that releases dopamine. That, in turn, creates a kind of shared emotional experience. And that in and of itself can be addictive. But what about laughter? What about choosing to laugh instead of being outraged? Well, laughter’s an entirely different economy. That woman in the front row at the show made a choice. She could have been offended. She could have let my joke ruin the rest of her show, maybe even her whole night. But she didn’t; she laughed. And her choice to laugh wasn’t about that moment. It was a choice about the next hour of her life, the next day, and the next year.
My thesis has long been this: If someone can laugh in the face of a flaw or problem, they’re bulletproof or on their way to getting there. But if they can’t laugh at it, they’re a slave to it. When we can laugh in the face of hardship or problems, we have power over them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all saying to ignore serious problems or to pretending everything is fine. I’m saying so much of life is about choosing how we respond.
I recently read that, when the brain releases endorphins during genuine laughter, it’s producing the body’s natural pain killer. How wild is that?! Laughter, especially in social settings, triggers what’s called “endogenous opioids,” which is basically like the brain’s own morphine. Put another way: Humor is a literally a healthy coping strategy! It also increases positive emotional states when dealing with difficult situations. Of course, I don’t think we need science to tell us that; instinctively and intuitively, I think we all know it.
Similarly, most of us probably realize that people who rank high in humor awareness have also been found to be more resilient, experience less anxiety, and have greater life satisfaction. So, when I look at people who are chronically outraged online, constantly fed up about the next thing, I think, “What’s that doing to their lives?” The answer is easy: It’s ruining them, keeping them stressed, and making them hate life. And here’s the big one: There’s a major loss of agency.
When people let the media or social platforms dictate what they should be outraged about, they’ve handed over control of their emotional state to algorithms designed to keep them angry. It’s like they become passengers in their own lives. That night with the thru-hiker, I remained playful. I kept myself the butt of most jokes. I had fun. She had fun. And when I roasted her, I immediately reframed her as part of the team rather than the target. I complimented her for being a good sport and supporting local comedy. She wasn’t really mad about the roast. I wasn’t mad about the flip off. We both laughed, and laughter won out over outrage.
Laughter gives us a good and healthy perspective like that. It allows us to acknowledge problems while refusing to be consumed by them. It’s the difference between processing fear and being paralyzed by it. We’re not escaping problems when we laugh, we’re just equipping ourselves to handle them.
I miss the old days when we could just laugh at one another and life’s absurdities. Not because everything was perfect then, but because we understood something fundamental: Laughter creates connection while outrage destroys it. So, what’s the point of all this? Well, simply to say that each of us can choose our emotional diet. We can recognize when we’re feeding on negativity and recalibrate toward humor. We can refuse to let platforms manipulate our moods for profit. The woman who flipped me off chose to keep having a good time. If she’d been outraged, it would have ruined the rest of the show. Not just for her, but for everyone around her.
The choice to laugh or stay outraged isn’t just about one person. It’s about everyone in the orbit of the angry person (just ask anyone who had abusive or alcoholic parents during their childhood). So, next time that familiar surge of online rage comes, the question should be: Am I choosing this emotion, or is it choosing me? Am I solving anything, or am I just performing outrage for an audience that profits from my stress? People can stay slaves to whatever makes them angry. Or they can laugh in its face and take their power back. I know which I choose. And I know which one makes a person bulletproof. Laughter > Outrage!
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