Liberals Sell Teslas, Accidentally Stimulate Capitalism While Polluting Environment
(Fake News Weekly - MichaelHalcomb.Live)
LOS ANGELES—In the most aggressively self-defeating protest since punching themselves in the face became performance art and duct-taping bananas to walls became boujee, liberals across the country are now filming themselves selling their Teslas in a bold attempt to cancel Elon Musk. The videos usually start with a self-aggrandizing announcement, have an over-the-top goodbye, and close with a diesel-fueled tow truck sputtering off in a cloud of gas to prove how much they love the environment. “I just can’t support a man who believes in free speech,” said one Tesla owner seconds after smearing his personal butt sweat on the door handle then tweeting “love is love is love” from his iPhone.
Many contend, “That’ll show Elon!” as they single-handedly boost used car sales and give Tesla free publicity all over social media. Analysts have confirmed the stunt is actually stimulating the very capitalist machine they claim to hate. “They bought the car, now they’re selling the car, and someone else is buying the car; it’s almost like... commerce?” one economist said, visibly shocked. At press time, liberals were seen picketing outside a charging station holding signs that read “DOWN WITH CLEAN ENERGY” while standing alongside their newest pseudo-science spokesman, Bill Nye, whom they have chosen to replace their old one, Neil deGrasse Tyson.