There’s a lie a lot of us unknowingly live by: there’s only so much good to go around. This “limited-good mindset,” what my buddy Brandon calls a famine mentality, is very unhealthy. The idea that, if someone else is getting ahead it must mean I’m falling behind or that their win is somehow my loss, creates a vicious cycle internally but also in relationships and in our society.
And we all know what usually happens in the wake of thinking this way, don’t we? We talk crap. We gossip. We undercut. We compare. We quietly hope for their failure. Because maybe, if they drop the ball, we’ll finally get our turn. But I want to suggest that this line of thought is not only problematic, it’s wrong. Completely wrong.
I’ve seen this mindset up close and personal, and not just in places you might expect. In fact, one of the first times I really noticed it was as a student in the academy while I was working in the field of Biblical Studies. It’s like the dark and dirty secret of the theological world. Having spent decades in higher education and earning five degrees, I saw how cutthroat the academic world, yes, even in Biblical Studies, could be. There was constant competition, even in seminary for teaching jobs, publishing contracts, and conference speaking engagements. It often felt like there was only one seat at the table and everyone was elbowing to get it.
And that created a culture where collaboration gave way to comparison. And comparison gave way to quiet resentment. Cards on the table: eventually, even early on, in fact, that way of living just wore me out. It was self-serving. It was lonely. And worst of all, it was completely out of sync with my core beliefs. So, I made a shift.
Instead of trying to get a seat at someone else’s table, in 2011, I built a new table with my friend, Fred, and our goal was to give as many people seats at the table as we could. We launched a publishing house (GlossaHouse) that’s now worked with aroudn 300 authors & content creators and we’ve interviewed and helped promote tons of others via podcasting. I’ve done my best to promote people both in my orbit and outside of it.
I’ve striven to create space, share opportunities, and celebrate wins. And now, as I step more into the world of comedy, I want to bring that same spirit with me. The stage isn’t mine to guard but to share. I love, in fact, how nearly every comedy show has multiple people involved (a host, opener, feature, headliner) and, if everyone’s doing it right, they’ll make the other comedians look good. And that will actually work in their favor and make them look good.
And, at the root of it all, that’s what it looks like to truly want the best for others. It means you don’t just feel glad for someone, you show it. You celebrate their wins. You offer real congratulations. You cheer them on, even when no one’s watching. You promote their work. You collaborate freely. You bring others with you. You lift them up, not tear them down. And just as importantly, you resist the subtle temptation to envy. You shun that hidden urge to see someone else fail so you can finally succeed.
That’s unhealthy and toxic. And I’ve worked hard to root it out of my life. This is especially the case when it comes to how I raise my kids and lead my students. I try to pass on not just knowledge, but wisdom. Not just facts, but a framework for living. I want my kids and students to grow into people who are better than I am. I want them to create better lives than mine, build stronger communities than mine, and carry forward a spirit of generosity and abundance more than I have.
Why? Because I don’t believe in the limited-good mindset. I can’t stand it. That’s why I’m not threatened by the success of others. In fact, I’m motivated by it. When someone in my circle levels up, it challenges me to do the same. Their excellence doesn’t diminish mine. Instead, it raises the bar for everyone.
I think the inability to be happy for others comes down to one word: fear. Fear that you’re falling behind. Fear that you’re not enough. Fear that if someone else is ahead, they’re taking what should’ve been yours. But fear, if left unchecked, leads to envy. And envy, let’s be honest, is deadly. According to the Gospel of Mark, envy is what got Jesus killed. It wasn’t so much his teachings or miracles that made the religious leaders furious. It was their envy of his influence. They couldn’t stand to see him flourish, so they tried to destroy him.
We do the same thing today. Only now it shows up in subtler ways. Passive-aggressive comments. Withheld praise. Gossip behind closed doors. Cold shoulders. Silent prayers for someone else’s stumble. It’s fear turned inward, and it rots us from the inside out. But here’s the truth: when everyone around you gets better, you get better, too!
It’s like basketball. If I’m playing with guys who are way better than me, I step up my game. I move faster. I think sharper. I play harder. But if I’m surrounded by people who aren’t putting in the work, I slack off without even realizing it. The same applies to life. If you surround yourself with people who are winning, and you can genuinely be happy for them, it’ll pull the best out of you.
Their win doesn’t mean you’ve lost. It just means you’re close to greatness. So, the next time someone around you succeeds, resist the urge to compare or compete. Instead, clap for them. Celebrate them. Learn from them. Because that matters! And letting go of the limited-good, famine-mentality and being happy for others might just be the most freeing thing you can do for yourself.
By the way, here’s one way I can help you. It’s small, but tangible and worthwhile as it can help bring laughter and creativity into your life: check out my online joke writing course, “The Joke Writer’s Lab,” HERE.