School Bus Strike to Force Parents Into Actual Parenting
(Fake News Weekly - MichaelHalcomb.Live)
UNITED STATES — In a savage blow to the nation’s last line of parental outsourcing, school bus drivers in Vermont, Connecticut, and Maryland are threatening to strike. This, in turn, has triggered mass panic among adults who now face their greatest fear of all: interacting with their own children before coffee. One clueless dad said, “I didn’t realize how far away the school actually is. I also didn’t realize what grade my son was in. I pay my taxes!”
The bus drivers, who have somehow survived decades of sticky seats, teenage vape clouds, and third graders who scream like they’re possessed, say they’ve finally had enough. They want more money, better healthcare, and just a little respect, which critics say is insane because this is America and nobody really respects anyone. Tate, a frustrated middle-schooler said, “Honestly, I’d rather walk 6 miles barefoot than hear my mom try to do the rap part in TLC’s “Waterfalls” ever again. Please, someone fix this!”
In response, school districts are scrambling, parents are crying, and children are just hoping school gets cancelled. Democrats offered to solve the problem with a feelings circle and a 600-page equity grant. Republicans proposed replacing school buses with Uber rides paid for by selling off public libraries and whatever’s left of the arts programs. At press time, the federal government vowed to intervene, just as soon as they finish funding another $4 billion overseas play about gender transitions.