Tariffs Trending Again, Americans Eager To Prove They're Confident Morons

(Fake News Weekly - MichaelHalcomb.Live)

UNITED STATES-After vanishing for a month like that one buddy who still owes you rent, tariffs are suddenly back in the headlines. And wouldn’t you know it, every liberal and conservative on social media is, once again, a certified expert in international economics and trade law. Two months ago, 95% of Americans polled thought a tariff was a type of sweater. Now? They’ve suddenly acquired the skill to explain macroeconomics like an Adjunct teaching night school at the Federal Reserve.

Conservatives are posting graphs they don’t understand, liberals are quoting economists whose names they can’t pronounce, and everyone’s pretending they didn’t Google “what’s a tariff?” 24 hours ago. One guy, a Cleveland native with a dog avatar, just claimed on social media that tariffs were how we won the Cold War. Another woman, livestreaming herself at the gym on TikTok, screamed that removing tariffs is violence.

But a new study, just released today, shows that nobody knows what they’re talking about. Even so, confidence has never been higher. At press time, both sides were seen foaming at the mouth, arguing about GDP, trade deficits, and something called “supply chain justice,” which is apparently a thing now. Experts say this will last exactly until the next shiny topic arrives, at which point everyone will forget tariffs ever existed and pivot seamlessly to screaming about men trying to dominate women’s fencing or which M&M color is most racist.