The "Let Them" Theory & Stand-Up Comedy

A Mindhack for Comedians

I recently came across a book by Mel Robbins titled The Let Them Theory. There’s a lot of great stuff in this volume but the biggest takeway is a simple lifehack and one that can help comedians. I think it’s a mindset that has the potential to save comedians a lot of stress, frustration, and wasted energy. Honestly, it’s proving to be a game-changer. It’s built on two parts and, as I said, is simple:

1. Let them.

2. Let me.

At the core, this is all about controlling what you can control and letting go of the rest. (What my therapist has reminded me of for years!) Because in comedy—just like in life—there’s a whole lot that’s out of our hands. Audiences, other comedians, bookers, social media, industry trends—none of it is fully within my control or yours. The only thing we can manage? Our own response.

Now, what’s key about this is you can’t just do step 1. You have to follow it up with step 2. If you just stop at step 1, you’re setting yourself up for frustration because, in all reality, you’re not really dealing with anything. Anyway, in brooding over this, here are ten ways I can see this playing out pretty frequently when it comes to stand-up:

1. Let haters hate. Let me stay focused.
   Not everyone is going to love my comedy. I’m super aware of that. Some will hate it, some will talk trash, some will leave negative comments online. All of that’s already happened. My first response: Let them. That’s not my problem. My second response: Let me keep writing, performing, and improving.

2. Let the person in the crowd be themselves. Let me respond genuinely.
   Some audiences are loud, some are quiet. Some laugh hard, some stare blankly. Someone might heckle, someone else might get up to order another drink mid-punchline. My first response: Let them. I can’t control their behavior. What I can control is how I react. My second response: Let me lean into the moment, roll with the unexpected, use it to elevate my set, or ignore it.

3. Let other comedians hate. Let me stay in my lane.
   Some comics love to gossip. Others get competitive. Some think they’re gatekeepers of what’s “real comedy.” My first response: Let them. I don’t need to prove anything to them. My second response: Let me use my energy ito get on stage and do the work.

4. Let the audience have a weird night. Let me not take it personally.
   Some nights, the crowd is weird. Low energy, distracted, not in the mood for comedy. I hate blaming it on the crowd at any point but this does happen. I’ve seen it firsthand. My first response: Let them. It’s not always about me or my jokes. My second response: Let me adapt, do my (probable) set, and not let it mess with my confidence.

5. Let the booker ignore me. Let me keep working until they can’t.
   Getting booked isn’t always fair. Some comedians get in easily, others get overlooked. Some bookers play favorites. My first response: Let them. My job isn’t to beg for spots. My second response: Let me get so good that ignoring me becomes impossible.

6. Let the industry favor trends. Let me build something lasting.
   Comedy trends come and go. What’s hot now might be irrelevant in six months. Some comedians chase trends. My first response: Let them. My second response: Let me develop my own voice, my own style, and my own audience.

7. Let social media algorithms play their games. Let me keep creating.
   Some clips take off, others don’t. Some posts get engagement, some flop. The algorithm is a mystery, and trying to crack it is exhausting and sometimes frustrating. My first response: Let them. I’ll keep putting out content. My second response: Let me keep creating, working, and trusting that the right people will find it.

8. Let other comics do their thing. Let me not be a hater.
   Jealousy is a very real thing. It’s really easy to see some comics make it and have a hater’s attitude. But success in comedy is not a limited good. My first response: Let them succeed. My second response: Let me congratulate them, celebrate with them, and learn from them.

9. Let some people not “get” my humor. Let me keep playing to the ones who do.
   As I’ve already alluded to, not everyone is my audience. Some will never like my style. My first response: Let them. I don’t need everyone. My second response: Let me find my people and make them laugh.

10. Let others do this as a hobby. Let me treate it like a job.
    Comedy is a grind! For most people it takes many years to progress in this field. Some do this as a hobby. My first response: Let them. My mindset is different though. My second response: Let me be professional, work my butt off, and consistently level up.

I’m trying to cultivate and nurture a mindset here. This mentality isn’t about ignoring problems or pretending like things don’t affect me; they do, whether in life or in comedy. At the end of the day it’s about choosing where to put my energy. And in stand-up, the best place to put that energy is into getting on stage, getting better, and keeping at it. Let me.