The Word of the Year

Do You Know What It Means?

Have you seen? Cambridge just made “parasocial” the Word of the Year. Ever heard that term? If you’re unfamiliar, let me explain. Here’s what it is: basically, everyone’s talking about fans these days who think they know their favorite celebs like Taylor Swift. It’s like a one-way relationship because the people on stage don’t actually know their followers and vice versa. Here’s the thing, this has been part of stand-up comedy this forever.

For instance, as a comedian, I stand on stage and tell strangers about my marriage, my fears, my failures, the dumb thing I said to my wife last Tuesday. They laugh, nod, and feel like they know me. But they don’t know me know me. So, what’s actually going on there? Well, it’s being vulnerable. And it’s part of the art form.

And every comedian (hopefully) learns this early: vulnerability is a tool. You share something embarrassing or self-deprecating and the audience relaxes. They think this person is being real with me. And (hopefully) the comedian is being real. But here’s the reality: I’ve done this joke 47 or 100 times for many different audiences. This means that, if you’re a fan or someone in the audience on any given night, the experience is unique but, on some level, it might not be the intimacy you think it is.

Now…back to the word “parasocial.” All the conversation surrounding it kinda treats this one-sided attachment like a bug or warning sign. But what if it’s actually how humans have always processed strangers who make them feel something? Preachers have been creating parasocial bonds from pulpits for millennia. Authors make readers feel like they know them through words on a page. Teachers become parental figures to students they barely remember. The comedian does it, too. Perhaps they just do it faster, in real time, and with immediate feedback.

I’ve had people approach me after shows who feel like we’re friends. We’re not. I don’t know their name. I don’t know their story. I was performing for a room, not for them specifically. But here’s what I’ve learned: that feeling they have isn’t wrong. It’s not pathological. It’s what happens when someone makes you laugh at something you thought only you felt. It’s why people say, “You put into words exactly what I was thinking/feeling.” That kind of recognition creates connection, even if the connection (seemingly) only flows one direction.

Cambridge is right that parasocial relationships are everywhere. Social media, streaming, AI companions, etc., all give that sorta feeling. But Cambridge is wrong to treat it like a new phenomenon. Facts: the jester made the king feel understood; the traveling performer made the village feel seen; and, the stand-up makes the stranger feel less alone. The only difference is, now we have a word for it.

Here’s a thought about all this: perhaps instead of asking whether parasocial attachment is healthy as many are, maybe we should ask what people are getting from these one-sided relationships that they’re not getting from two-sided ones. Because here’s what I know from doing this type of work: many people don’t come to comedy shows just to be entertained. They also come, as I said above, to feel like someone finally said the thing they’ve been thinking or feeling. That’s not parasocial. That’s human.

It’s human when I take my real experiences, shape them into something universal, and deliver them to strangers who will never know the full context. Yeah, maybe they’ll feel close to me. Cool. That’s just fine. And maybe that’s always been okay. Because, at the end of the day, connecting with someone doesn’t require knowing them. It just requires feeling known.

JOKE WRITING COURSE: By the way, if you have any interest at all in learning about your persona, how to write some jokes, or doing stand-up comedy, check out my online joke writing course, “The Joke Writer’s Lab,” HERE.