Worriosity: From Paralysis to Progress
Curiosity & Anxiety in the Creative Process (Comedy Mindhacks #60)
Let me be vulnerable here at the jump: there’ve been times as a comedian when I’ve gotten a little anxious because I was getting overlooked for opportunities on shows. I’ve also been annoyed when, as I’ve mentioned before, a booker told me she didn’t book Christians. I’ve felt let down when I’ve submitted fees to comic festivals then received rejection emails: “There just weren’t enough spots this year.” But I’ve also noted numerous times what happens in my head a split second later: “If they don’t want to work with me, their loss. I’ll create my own opportunities.”
In this regard, I’ve trained myself not to sit in the worry. I move. And I move on. I move forward. Do I still think about it from time to time? Of course. But when I do, I use it as fuel. Many comedians I know, however, get stuck; they get paralyzed. And I totally get it. I have friends who worry a lot about their material. I know others who worry so much about bombing. And because of some of the things mentioned above, I understand why some worry about reaching out to bookers. Again, I get it.
In such moments, worry becomes the thing that stops some comedians from writing, performing, and networking. I used to think the solution was confidence. Get confident enough and the worry disappears. Wrong! Confidence apart from creativity and competence, as I talked about HERE, only leads to a dead-end road.
So, what’s the solution? In a nutshell: curiosity, because it’s at the heart of that fuel I just mentioned that keeps me pressing on toward mastery. Without curiosity, I’ll stop caring about the craft. I’ll stop paying attention to the little things. I’ll stop observing. I’ll stop studying joke structure. I’ll stop observing my persona. And I’ll start worrying.
Recently, I came across an article in Forbes by Matthew Mayhew that uses the term worriosity, which is kind of a middle ground between worry and curiosity. He was speaking as a man at an intersection, a man who is a professor but also the parent of a college student. He’s worried about what’s ahead for his child but also curious. The idea resonated with me and, of course, I repurposed worriosity for stand-up comedy. It’s the moment you stand at the crossroads between spiraling worry and structured curiosity. It’s the point where one path leads to paralysis and the other to progress. And in comedy that tension is definitely real. It’s not that worry doesn’t show up (it frequently does), but I’ve trained myself to lean hard in the other direction.
Worry is a kind of tainted fuel that makes me ask things like, “Am I good enough?” Curiosity, however, is a kind of fuel that makes me ask, “Does this fit joke structure? Does this fit my persona? Does this fit the audience and venue?” There’s a huge difference! One approach paralyzes while the other gives me something to fix.
When I write material, I don’t worry. I have fun. I’m curious about what makes me laugh. I know the science behind how jokes work. I know the structures. And thankfully, that foundation gives me confidence in my joke writing abilities. It also reminds me that I am not my jokes and my jokes are not me. And while that may seem like an insignificant point, it’s definitely not.
I’ve seen many comedians equate themselves with their jokes or performances. Not me. I make the jokes and do the craft but the two are different. I’ve come to the realization that when you personalize bombing a joke, for instance, it can paralyze you. When you frame it as a craft mess up, however, it’s not such a big deal. Why? Because you can alter a joke way more easily than you can alter yourself or your personality.
My point? Get ego out of the way and focus on the craft. Now, I’m not saying everyone will love you or how you do the craft. That’s fine! It’s a fact and it’s reality. Even so, my personal philosophy is: if it’s funny to me, that’s what matters most. Frankly, I don’t really care if people have a good time or not. That’s on them. Of course, I want them to. But if they choose not to, that’s a them-problem not a me-problem.
As a comedian, that’s just how it is and I have to be okay with that. One only has to do this a few times to realize that there are such diverse audiences and venues that it’s impossible to know what each individual at a show prefers in a comedic sense. So I just go with what makes me laugh and if others join in, bonus. If not, again, it’s on them.
In other words, if I stay curious about what I like and what interests me and what makes me laugh, I’m on the right path. So, I’ve stopped asking myself questions like if I’m good enough. And I’ve made it a habit instead to ask myself things like, “How can I dive deeper into joke writing and structure? How can I understand my comedic persona better?” Those questions give me work to do. They give me a direction. They take the focus off my ego and put it on my craft.
I’ve been blacklisted. I’ve been rejected. But I don’t get stuck in the worry because I’m too busy being curious about the next thing I can learn, the next structure I can master, the next joke I can write, the next show I can get on, the next booker I can connect with, and so on. I stay curious. The reason: whereas worry makes me freeze, curiosity prevents me from stopping. So, I choose my fuel carefully. I choose curiosity.
JOKE WRITING COURSE: By the way, if you have any interest at all in learning about your persona, how to write some jokes, or doing stand-up comedy, check out my online joke writing course, “The Joke Writer’s Lab,” HERE.