Yesterday, I talked about taming/controlling your inner critic/heckler and how important that is. The reality is: if you’re going to listen to every crack in your confidence, every negative word from within or even from without, then you also owe it to yourself to listen to the praise, too. In the last “Comedy Mindhack,” I encouraged you to give your inner critic its marching orders. Now it’s time to throw the other side, your inner coach, a victory party. (Note: That’s a mindhack in and of itself: realizing your inner critic can also be trained to be your inner coach!)
Over two decades, when I was a young buck going into ministry, an old-timer gave me a tip I’ve long held on to. He said, “Keep every encouraging note you get.” He went on to explain that, on lonely nights or when the flood of doubt hits, you can flip through those scraps of kindness and feel human again. I’ve taken that advice to heart and, trust me, (to a degree) it works! I’ve held on to hand-written notes from congregants and students that have been so helpful throughout the years.
Recently, in my comedy, I’ve been doing this, too. Practicing what I preach, I decided to go back through recent compliments from comedy shows. I thought I’d post them here so a) I can revisit them in the future. But b) I also wanted to share them with you and encourage you to start doing this practice as well. Here are some of the comments:
“Dude!!!!!!!! That couldn’t have gone any better.”
(At an academic-oriented show.) “Even the stuff I didn’t understand was funny because of your stage presence.”
“If you could perform like that in that room, you can perform everywhere.”
“You got a d**n applause break.”
“You did great. Really enjoyed it. Thank you for coming!”
“I loved the coloring books joke about GlossaHouse materials/audience! Perfection.”
“I’m still guiltily chuckling at ‘the Manly hall/kitchen joke’ despite myself.”
“I simultaneously laugh and feel pain deep in my soul at the ‘going-home-to-no-one-who-cares” joke.
“The best, IMO: the love-language joke was an absolute slayer. Rolling at that one!”
“Thanks for lightening the mood this weekend.”
“You’re really really funny, Michael.”
“I enjoyed the comedy and the fun it produced.”
“Thanks so much for your comedy! It was amazing!”
“So classy!”
“I think some of the jokes were fantastic. I was laughing at both the joke and the fact that the joke was working. Amazing!”
“I thought you were courageous…Steve Martin, Jerry Seinfeld, and Eddie Murphy agree that being a comedian is about being confident…Yours was on full display.”
“You literally said what we’ve all been thinking. Amazing!”
Those notes are like caffeine for my soul. They are gems! And, hopefully, they’ll sustain me for years to come. So, let me repeat: if you are going to catalog every flaw you see, or even a few of them, or even just one of them, then take equal time to stash away every compliment that made you stand a little taller. Reread them on tough days, frame a few on your wall, or text them to yourself at three in the morning when doubt sneaks in like a smelly roommate.
So, at the risk of sounding too repetitive here, let me say it one more time: if self-critique has a rightful place in your life, then self-praise also deserves a seat at your table. Being kind to yourself is a mindhack that turns a critical brain into a cheering squad. Being kind to yourself is one way to keep yourself marching toward your next big laugh. So, take it from me, friends: accept the applause, cherish the compliments, and be kind to yourself.