A Simple Cure For What's Dividing & Killing Us

A Hack & Habit That's Forever Changed My Life (Comedy Mindhacks #33)

As the last week has revealed, we’re living in a time where people seem more divided than ever. My social media feeds definitely seem that way. And while anger and outrage get all the headlines, I’ve been thinking a lot about the root cause, the underlying problem. My conclusion: apathy. The dictionary’s definition of “apathy” is: a lack of interest, care, or concern.

I think that can actually be summed up as “a lack of curiosity.” That’s the problem, at least on some level. We’ve stopped being curious, especially about each other. Instead of wondering why someone thinks or behaves a certain way, we let media, influencers, and algorithms do the thinking for us. No longer do we ask people about themselves; nah, now we just assume.

Gone it seems are the days of exploring differences; now, we just react. And in that shift, we’ve lost some of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal: the ability to wonder, to observe, to dwell on what’s different instead of rushing past it. In short, we’ve stopped being curious. And, let me tell you, that has massive consequences that looks and sounds and feels quite like an ideological Civil War.

But there’s a surprisingly simple and effective way to get it back. It’s a small habit, something I’ve done for years as a writer, a professor, comedian, and Bible study leader. I call it a “comedy mindhack,” but it’s based on something I learned as a Bible student/scholar years ago and now just do instinctively. I wrote it about recently on this site, in fact. It’s this, which is also one of the great rules of improv: notice the first unusual thing and then build on it.

Most people see something odd and ignore it. As a scholar and comedian, I linger. I get curious. I investigate. And that’s where the good stuff begins. Here’s a small albeit silly example from just today. I asked my wife, “What time’s the meeting again?” A normal question, right? She answered, “5 o’clock,” but she didn’t stop there, she raised her hand and held up five fingers, like she was explaining it to a child.

Now, most people wouldn’t think twice about that. But to me, that’s the moment. That’s the glitch in the matrix. So I asked her, while laughing aloud, “What’s with the gesture? I’m almost 45. I understand what 5 o’clock means.” She laughed, I laughed, my son laughed, and in that moment, curiosity woke up. Why did she do that? Does she always do that? Do I do that? Is this a habit? A teaching tic? A multitasking thing? That one odd gesture opened a dozen questions. And this is how jokes start. But more than that, it’s how curiosity grows!

That’s the heart of this comedy mindhack that’s also great as a lifehack: noticing what doesn’t quite fit and choosing not to ignore it. It took me 10+ years to really get this deep down in my soul. So, if it took me so long, how do you train yourself to do that but faster? I recommend two things: First, intentionally slow down. We’re often moving too fast mentally, emotionally, and conversationally to spot anything interesting. We’re in such a rush to get to the point that we miss the point entirely.

Second, intentionally observe. Look at how people move. Listen to how they speak and say certain words. Pay attention to their choices, their tone, their timing, their hair, their clothes, their expressions. You’re not just hearing words, you’re looking for small misalignments, tiny surprises, little contradictions. That’s where the material is. That’s where the mystery is.

But observation isn’t enough. You can’t stop there. Once you notice something unusual, the next step is to ask questions. You have to ask questions. This is key. This is the second part of the hack and maybe the most powerful. For every observation, I have a rule: ask at least three questions. This is how I write. It’s how I do research. It’s how I’ve led Bible studies on the spot without a single note.

Take the five-finger “5 o’clock” gesture again. I asked: Why that gesture? Has she done that before and I just missed it? What assumptions did she make about what I needed in that moment? Each answer leads to more questions. That’s what I call “the rhythm of curiosity.” It keeps your mind active, your relationships alive, and your creative work flowing.

This one tiny habit, notice, then question, has had a massive impact on my life. It has literally changed my life. It’s how I’ve written nearly 30 books. It’s how I’ve presented almost 100 academic conference papers. It’s how I’ve found material for stand-up comedy. It’s how I stay intellectually engaged in faith, teaching, and day-to-day life.

But more than anything, it’s taught me that life isn’t really about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to pursue the questions. Because every time I land on an answer, it opens the door to at least three more questions. That’s not a flaw in the system either; that is the system! It’s how growth works. It’s how relationships deepen. It’s how comedy sharpens. And it’s how curiosity turns into something like wisdom.

So, let me leave you with this: Be intentionally curious! Don’t wait for curiosity to show up on its own. It won’t; at least not at first. You have to invite it. Practice it. Nurture it. Cultivate it. Build it into your daily rhythm. But the more intentional you are, the more natural it becomes. Eventually, you’ll find yourself noticing what others miss, asking what others won’t or don’t, and laughing at things nobody else even sees. And when that happens, you won’t just be funnier. You’ll be more awake. More alive. More connected to the world, to other people, and maybe even to yourself. And right now, that’s what our world desperately needs!

So get curious. And if you need help, let me give you a hand. I would be remiss, my friends, if I didn’t urge you to go ahead and cultivate that curiosity by leaning into it and learning to write some jokes. How? Glad you asked! Check out my online joke writing course, “The Joke Writer’s Lab,” HERE. Curious? Start now!