Dealing With Haters

Thoughts On Life & Stand-Up Comedy (Comedy Mindhacks #2)

Here’s a truth I’ve learned as a Preacher, Professor, Public Speaker, Author, and Comedian: what I have to say and how I say it will not be liked, preferred, or welcomed by everyone. And guess what? That’s okay. I’m fine with it. As someone who has put themselves out there publicly for many years (more than 2 decades), it took longer than I care to admit for me to come to terms with this fact, but it’s just that, a fact, reality. Some people love what I do; The Lovers. Some people like what I do; The Likers. Some people couldn’t care less; The Indifferent. And? That’s life. But then, there’s a fourth category: The Hater.

The Hater isn’t just indifferent. The Hater is actively against whatever it is you’re saying or doing. And, of course, The Hater shows up in many areas of life. I talk a lot about stand-up comedy here but you can likely just replace that with any area of life and find that what I’m saying is just as on point there. When it comes to comedy, The Hater acts like they know what stand-up is, how it should be done, what should be talked about, what everyone wants to hear. They make condescending comments publicly or privately, they talk trash, they spread rumors, they take cheap shots, they love acting like they’re above it all. Their egos blind them. They fail to realize your target audience might not be their target audience. They fail to appreciate that what you are working out on mic isn’t what they are working out. They are unaware that your comedy goals might be totally different than theirs.

They’re loud. They’re obnoxious. They throw shade. So, if you’re on the receiving end of The Hater, what do you do? Some haters want a reaction. They want a public back-and-forth because, deep down, they want attention. And while the instinct might be to clap back in that moment, you have to ask: Is it worth my time and energy? Most of the time, it’s not. Other haters don’t want or expect a reaction, however, and when you give it to them, it freaks them out. They run from the confrontation. Turns out, many of them really hate being called on their crap.

My friend, Jerimy, shared with me some years ago a few rules by comedian Craig Ferguson who, in setting some boundaries for posting/responding online, once said his litmus test is this:

1. Does this need to be said?

2. Does this need to be said by me?

3. Does this need to be said by me right now?”

Those principles apply online or offline really because, at the end of the day, you don’t want to become them; you don’t want to become The Hater yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to stay silent. If a hater makes a ridiculous comment, replying later might be the best move. Or, in the moment, if you’re able to flip it into a joke and move on, maybe that’ll be enough. If someone hates on you, sometimes the best response is letting it sit because, well, they straight up look stupid by screaming into the void while you just keep moving and doing your thing. Sometimes, the best way to handle haters is to let their words age poorly. Because they always do.

What about the ones who make it personal? The ones who come at you directly, whether publicly or privately? The ones who feel the need to “explain” comedy to you when you have solicited their advice? This is where The Let Them Theory I talked about several posts back comes in. Let them be miserable. Let them act like the authority. Let them keep gatekeeping an art form that has no gates. Let them.

But let me keep doing my thing. Let me stay focused. Let me get better. Let me write, perform, improve, and succeed while they keep hating. Let me keep encouraging. Let me continue pressing on. Let them invest their energy in trying to tear down, but let me invest my time and energy in myself and others. Because that’s what I’m about.

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