Don't Let the Sun Set on Problems

(Settle Accounts Quickly - Things That Matter #10)

I’m the kind of person who wants problems fixed by nightfall. If there’s a problem, I want it settled as soon as possible. The words of Vanilla Ice ring true to me, “If there was a problem, yo I’ll solve it.” In all honesty, I struggle to relax knowing something’s unresolved that involves me. In those kinds of situations, my idea of “sleeping on it” is more like me just not sleeping. So, I keep a short ledger. Always have, always will. Life’s too short AND too long to live with grudges.

But not everyone is wired like me. I know and am well aware of this. When a problem arises, some people say they need space. Some want time to process. Some need a day or two. (You people are the worst!) So, I’ve had to learn to let people be who they are. And that includes giving them the space to be wrong in peace. Lol.

This, just like my “Never be afraid to burn bridges” principle, is also a biblical principle. In fact, sometimes the wrong is so egregious or people will refuse to address it that the best route is to burn the bridge. Sometimes you may address it and still realize that burning the bridge is the best option. That’s life.

Anyway, this life principle comes from Ephesians, a letter in which the Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Eph 4:26). Rendered a slightly different way: “Do not let the sun go down while you still have problems.” And yes, I know some people will want to argue context, and they definitely should, but the larger truth still stands: anger left overnight usually becomes bitterness by morning. And guess what? Bitterness always finds a way to quickly grow teeth in its mouth. Always.

I’ve seen it turn good peoples’ mouths into storytelling mouths. I’ve seen it turn people themselves into big mouths who eventually live inside their own fictions. Why? Because when we don’t deal with the problems, we fill in the blanks. We write imaginary scripts and scenarios for what the other person is thinking. We cast ourselves as the victim and them as the villain. That kind of scenario-making is what I try to avoid with every fiber in my being because I’ve experienced enough of it in my direction throughout my life.

This principle has helped me more than it’s hurt me. Sure, I’ve had nights where I’ve prayed instead of slept. I’ve stayed up hoping for a text or call that never came. I’ve written long apologies only to get a thumbs-up emoji in return or watch the dots appear, disappear, appear disappear, etc. But I’ve also gone to bed with a clean heart. And friends, that’s not nothing! I just wanna live in the light, not sulk in the shadows.

This applies to comedy, too, of course. If I bomb, I try to go home and watch the tape. I don’t wanna wait three days and hope my memory softens it. I gotta know right now what I did, where things broke, and how to fix them. Subpoint: delayed reflection often turns into denial, and I’ve been a writer long enough to know that denial is a terrible writing partner.

So yeah, I want to settle accounts quickly, by nightfall preferably. And not just to win or be right, not just to stop leaking tension into the world. I’m well aware of the fact that reconciliation isn’t always possible and that’s okay. But I also know that peace of mind is an incredible thing. And so, if someone isn’t willing to make it right by sunset, then sometimes I have to keep on reminding myself that there is peace in knowing I tried, even if they didn’t.

We’ll all get hurt in this life. And what we do with that hurt matters. If we let it fester, it will find company. Trust me! But if we tend to it, name it, and confess it, it tends to resolve more quickly and it suddenly becomes something we can carry without it crushing us. As I said already, I’ve learned that not everyone wants to fix things on my timeline. I’ve learned to wait, to pray, to listen, and even to go to sleep without a resolution. But I’ve never changed this principle and never will. Because I still believe the world would be better if more of us tried to make things right before the sun went down. And if not that, then at least before we log off for the night.