How To Handle Haters & Hecklers
The Gray Rock Method (Comedy Mindhacks #5)
The Gray Rock Method. Ever heard of it? If not, let me take a moment to introduce you to it. It’s a psychological strategy used to deal with narcissists, manipulators, and the guy in your friend group who calls himself “an empath” but never returns texts. Know anyone like that? I’m sure you do. But since they’re narcissists and love feeling special, let’s not reserve it solely for them. Truth is: we can use it to deal with anyone.
The idea is simple, really: just be boring. Be unresponsive, emotionless, dull….like the hosts of The View. (Okay, don’t be like them. Ever.) Be, in the words of Bob Seger, “Like a rock.” A gray rock. Not a shiny rock. Not a painted rock. Not a fun skipping rock. Just...a boring old rock. The kind that ruins grandpa’s lawnmower. Now, maybe you’re thinking: Isn’t this site’s all about comedy and comedians? Yes. Be boring?! Well, yes.
The Gray Rock Method is a mindhack that works in life and on stage. But wait, aren’t comedians supposed to be exciting? Well, kinda. But they’re also supposed to survive. And sometimes, the only way to survive the chaos of dealing with others is by becoming emotionally bulletproof. That’s where The Gray Rock Method comes in. It’s like donning mental armor when the crowd gets weird, the mic cuts out, or a drunk guy in the back yells, “You suck!” five seconds into your set. Or, when you post something funny on social then some hater whines, “You’re not funny.”
The Gray Rock Method, combined with The “Let Them” Theory, is pretty foolproof. When someone comes at you, instead of going into a full meltdown or any meltdown at all, you simply go full rock. You blink. Maybe nod. Maybe say, with as little emotion as possible, “You seem fun.” Then keep going. You let them be useless while you let yourself remain unfazed.
Here’s why it works: audiences don’t always follow words. Sometimes they follow energy. I’m serious about that. I saw a performer a few weeks ago lure an off-kilter audience in with his cadence and energy. They weren’t really laughing at his jokes as much as they were his rhythm and cadence. It was cool to witness. It reminded me that, if you stay calm, even when something’s off, the audience will still trust you. They’ll still follow you. They’ll come around.
For me, The Gray Rock Method is also like a shield against the post-show genius who walks up to you and says, “I thought about doing comedy once; I think I’d be good at it.” (And, if you’re ever a performing comedian, you will hear this phrase on a frequent basis, I promise you.) You don’t argue. You don’t laugh in his face. You don’t cringe. You just nod and say, “Huh!” Then move on.
Forgetting others for a minute, I’d say that even on a strictly internal level, The Gray Rock Method is helpful. That voice in your head that says, “This isn’t working,” “You’re not funny,” “That guy before you had a tighter five,” all you have to do is just Gray Rock that voice into silence. “Noted.” Then proceed. It’s a way to beat Imposter Syndrome.
So add it to your toolkit and, if you can, definitely pair it with The “Let Them” Theory. To be completely honest, I wish I had known about The Gray Rock Method and The “Let Them” Theory decades ago, especially before I went into ministry, a profession that very often requires dealing with haters, or teaching, or blogging, or podcasting, etc., all realms that require engaging critical people and jerks. It would’ve saved me some sleepless nights, spared me days or weeks of worry, and allowed me to move on faster.
But I have these tools now. And, as far as comedy goes, I’ll use them when the crowd’s rowdy or, just like yesterday, when I had to deal with and eventually eject a hater from my social media feed. I’ll use these during a show when the tech fails. When a heckler’s coming at me. When the awkward tension’s so thick it’s legally a fog. I don’t need to win every moment. I just need to outlast the moment. I just need to be funny, be sharp, and when the situation calls for it, be like a rock.