When It's Not The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Humor as the Antidote to Holiday Drama (Things That Matter #33)
It seems like the number of articles about holiday stress increases every year. I recently read that about half of all Americans now anticipate holiday stress.1 And the advice I keep seeing everywhere is the same: set boundaries, practice self-care, budget realistically, and some form of “avoid Uncle Bob.” Let me offer a different approach.
As a comedian and comedy instructor, I’ve got two simple principles that fuel my philosophy: 1) Laughter > Outrage; and, 2) If It’s Messed-Up, It’s Material. So, instead of getting angry at Uncle Bob’s political rants and storming off, let me offer an insight on holiday chaos that doesn’t default to that. It’s noticing what I call “the gap,” something I’ve talked about frequently on this site and on my “Messed-Up to Set-Ups” podcast. “The gap” I’m talking about is nothing more than the divide between expectations and reality. And once you identify that, you’re on you’re way to finding humor.
The “expectation”: I expect a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner. The reality: Uncle Bob ruins it with his political rants. That’s the gap: expectations versus reality. Most people find themselves in the gap but have no idea how they got there or don’t know how to articulate what the gap is and certainly don’t know how to get out. So, they stop there, feel trapped, feel the tension, and definitely complain about it later. That’s not fun.
I try do something different. I set up a false expectation so I can get into the humor of it all. Thus, I might say something like, “I know in the past, some of us have gotten frustrated at Uncle Bob’s political rants during Christmas dinner. But I think we can all admit... they’re better than his green bean casserole.” Boom! I gave Uncle Bob the attention he craves, acknowledged his politics, made everyone laugh, and the tension (to a degree) dissipated. The joke transformed the stress into connection. Finding the joke was key.
Now, that said, I’m also inclined to acknowledge that, in many such situations, the real stressor usually isn’t Uncle Bob’s opinions. People show up exhausted, they spent money they don’t have, and they’re sleeping on an air mattress. At the same time, they’re told this is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year.” How can that be when nearly half of adults worry about grief during the holidays, or when 46% stress about affording gifts?! It can’t!
We need to laugh. In my view, jokes help us relax and give us permission to acknowledge that the holidays are often stressful, expensive, and exhausting. They allow us to, as a comedian might say, “call the moment.” There’s science behind this, too; it’s not just feel-good advice. Genuine spontaneous laughter reduces cortisol levels and triggers dopamine production, which provides calming anti-anxiety benefits. Instinctively, I think we all know that to be true. Laughter is often really good medicine!
Even when I laugh at my own dysfunction, my own messed-upness, something fundamental shifts inside me. I feel freedom to not take everything so seriously. Of course, not every situation is the same. I get that. When someone is dealing with grief during the holidays, for instance, humor can feel like really dangerous territory. That’s because it is. You have to read the room carefully. I know that if a person’s willing to be a bit playful, that’s my green light to share some humor. If not, I back off. And really, self-deprecating humor works best here because when I make fun of myself, I’m modeling vulnerability and showing it’s safe to not have it all together during the holidays.
I grew up in a rural, Kentucky trailer park. I’m no stranger to financial stress. I get that, too. I have a joke where I address this: “Christmas lights make everything prettier... except trailers. On trailers, the lights just… highlight everything that needs fixed.” You see, when I can laugh about financial struggle, I transform it from shame to shared experience. I rise above it. I become bulletproof.
Now, back to the first part of my comedy philosophy: Laughter > Outrage (Laughter’s Greater Than Outrage). When I look at this holiday season with so many people stressed, it’s annoying that all the new stories and articles are regurgitating the same old advice. Okay, I admit, some of those strategies have their place. But they also miss something fundamental: the power of laughter. This holiday season, if you can stop for an extra second and ask yourself whether you want to laugh or get mad, it can make all the difference in the world.
That choice between laughter and outrage is available in almost every stressful holiday moment. Uncle Bob’s rant, the overcooked turkey, the empty bank account, the first holiday without someone you love. Here’s an insight worth its weight in gold: When people in conflict laugh and find humor, they shift from believing there’s only one solution to seeing other possibilities. Isn’t that incredible?! Humor breaks down walls and makes people less defensive! So, don’t just laugh. Share a laugh with someone.
Look, the holidays are stressful, and they always will be. I can’t control what happens and neither can you. But I can control whether I find the gap, notice it, and decide if there’s a punchline worth sharing. And if I can’t find it, I might as well look to someone else. So here’s my holiday advice: crack some jokes. Learn to write jokes (see the link below.) Maybe even hire a comedian for an event (hit me up!), go to a clean comedy show as a group, or watch a comedian as a family. Laugh. Because sometimes stress just needs to be met with a punchline. And, who knows, maybe it’ll turn out to be the most wonderful time of year.
JOKE WRITING COURSE: By the way, if you have any interest at all in learning about your persona, how to write some jokes, or doing stand-up comedy, check out my online joke writing course, “The Joke Writer’s Lab,” HERE.
https://www.loscerritosnews.net/2025/12/15/from-holiday-stress-to-holiday-strength-finding-joy-in-the-season/